***FOR THOSE BROKENHEARTED***
At a very early age in my life we had taken my dad in for a routine surgery that was supposed to have been in and out. I remember before I left the hospital, I was talking to my dad and joking with him as we always did. I remembered him telling me before I left that he loved me with all his heart. The last thing I did was kiss his forehead saying "I love you too pop!"
That night, I came home and there was a gathering of family members in the living room. They all had a look of despair on their faces. My uncle was the first to approach me with a solemn look on his face that made my heart drop. He pulled me aside and all he could say was "Your dad...." I immediately knew what he meant and rushed out of my house, to my car and sped to the hospital literally doing 110 mph. I was the first out of my family to arrive at the hospital. When I finally got to the room I saw my dad lying there lifeless in his bed. He had passed away from complications from his surgery. In that very second I went into shock, I felt alone and devastated that my life had been destroyed. I lost my best friend, my hero, the person who was teaching me how to become a man.
Prior to his passing I considered myself to be outgoing, ambitious and full of life. That night however, I became broken and my spirit was shattered. I became angry. Angry at the doctors, angry at the nurses, angry at the hospital, even angry with God... my life from that point on began to spiral out of control.
The night of my dad's funeral I had my first encounter with alcohol. I had gotten extremely drunk with some friends and family. At the time I thought it was the only way to numb my pain. Unfortunately, I began to self medicate with alcohol and this pattern of drinking became heavier and heavier throughout the years. When I found that I couldn't fill my void with alcohol I added smoking marijuana and partying to the mix. For such a long period in my life, I went from party to party and from hangover to hangover. I thought these things could fill my reality with a little bit of comfort, instead I grew more and more empty.
My life became such a broken record. I caught myself doing the same thing, hanging around the same people week after week and still drowning my sorrow in booze and marijuana. I came to a point where I could no longer mask away the pain and hurt that I carried for so many years in my heart. A change finally occurred when someone special came into my life and literally fought to pull me away from my recklessness. They reminded me about the person I once was and reintroduced me to someone who could change my life and make me whole again...God.
The day I surrendered my life back to God I fell to my knees begging for forgiveness. I said "LORD! Forgive me for my foolish ways, for turning my back on you! For blaming you Father in Heaven! Lord you have given me life! Now I am crying to you Lord to heal me and take me back into your arms!"
From that moment, I felt a relieving weight lifted from my spirit. God immediately began working on me. He started to heal my heart and completely delivered me from alcoholism and substance abuse. Jesus came back into my life and tears ran down my face faster than the 110 mph I was doing to get to the hospital years before!
Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
My spirit was crushed, my heart was shattered into a million pieces and one by one, Jesus put those pieces back together and added so much more. He added the gift of joy... the only real joy that comes from Him, Jesus Christ. Nothing and nobody else could have done it, only Him. My spirit has been restored and it brought me here, sharing with you the miracles only God can give and has now given me. I confess with my mouth that I was once a lost, but now I'm found. I am saved! I could only be saved by accepting the fact that Jesus is Lord, that he has died for my sins, rose from the dead and now sits at the right hand of the father, God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth. Thank you Lord for touching my spirit and saving my life!
There are many stories in this world similar to mine, just know that no matter what, The Lord is near, and He and He alone will heal our spirits and make it whole again. Amen.
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